


Forbidden Love

by icanttypeproperly



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, Female Merlin, Forbidden Love, Homophobia, I feel like I have a problem, I wrote this instead of updating other female merlin stories, Lesbian Character, Love Confessions, Merlin lost all hope, Minor Character Death, Oops, Period-Typical Homophobia, Prepare for heart break, Sad, Sad Ending, True Love, Why am I so obsessed with Female Merlin?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-23
Updated: 2017-10-23
Packaged: 2019-01-21 17:19:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12462348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icanttypeproperly/pseuds/icanttypeproperly
Summary: Merlin falls in love, hard, with someone people are scared of. They are two lovers in a time period that only accepts one man and one woman. How will they survive?





	Forbidden Love

"Why am I like this?" Merlin cried out into the night. Her fingers were numb and her lip dripping blood. Her head was thumping which shot pain down into her neck. Her eye was swollen and she was sure it was black by now. Her frayed and mud covered clothes were now ripped almost to shreds.

"I'm not a monster, I know that," She wauled into her hands. She is unwanted, broken, and simple thought evil. She wept to the only one who would listen to her, mother nature. She seemed to feel what Merlin was feeling, she made the trees swing with the wind, attempting to calm her. She made the sky clear up to let the light shine down on her to show the young sorceress light can be found even in the darkest of times. Mother nature wept for her young who was lost in this moment, she wept for Emrys who she always treated as her own. For Emrys is the daughter of the earth, the sea, the sky, magic is the fabric of this world. Emrys is magic itself, she can control each element of this world. She prayed to the heavens that her young will find herself and soon.

 

\-------------------------

 

"You must leave now my child," Hunith stroked the side of Merlin's face.

"But mother this is my home," Merlin argued.

"Not anymore my child," Hunith held back tears.

"Where do I go?" She asked sounding quite scared. She didn't want to leave the only home she has ever know.

"Camelot darling," She sighed.

"Camelot! Camelot!" Merlin yelled. Hunith held up her hand to silence Merlin which worked immediately.

"It is where Uncle Gaius lives, he will protect you no matter what," She said confidently. 

"But the King cuts off peoples head when they have anything to do with magic," She argued.

"You will be safer there than here," Hunith argued back.

"How?" Merlin sighed.

"You know, last month," Hunith hinted. After Merlin didn't say anything, Hunith continued, "About how a villager saw you kissing the baker's daughter."

"I'm sorry mother! It's who I am!" She cried.

"I know darling, I'm not mad!" Hunith hugged Merlin close. "You know I will love you no matter what!"

"I know," She sniffed and dug her face into her mother's shoulder. "I just want to be excepted both for my magic and my sexuality."

"Maybe in Camelot, you will find people who except you for both," Hunith said trying to raise her daughter's hopes.

"Yeah right, they are probably even worse than people in Ealdor," Merlin scoffed. Hunith didn't say anything but she just ran her finger through her hair.

 

\--------------------------------------

 

"So you really are leaving?" Will said quietly. They were down by the river skipping rocks.

"Yes," Is all she said and threw another rock into the water.

"So... are you still...?" Will dragged on.

"Yes Will, I still like girls and forever will!" She growled. He had, well he still does, have a crush on her so he thinks she will automatically change who she is attracted to just cause he likes her. There was a moment of silence.

"You know I don't care right?" He asked.

"About what?" She sighed, she was already getting a headache.

"That you are... you know... lesbian. You will forever be my friend," He smiled slightly at her.

"Thanks," She smiled back.

 

\-----------------------------------

(Years later)

 

"You can just tell me Merlin, I won't tell anyone," Gwen nudged her.

"Gwen I'm not saying anything," She rolled her eyes.

"I won't tell anyone," She promised.

"Except Morgana," Merlin shot her a look.

"Well still, we are all friends why can't you just tell us?" Gwen pouted.

"Cause it is not true," She sighed.

"It has to be true, you two are always together! I can see the connection, the passion, the lust!" She claimed.

"I am not sleeping with Arthur!" Merlin whispered harshly.

"I don't believe you," Gwen shook her head.

"Well then believe what you want to believe," Merlin sighed.

"You two have to be in bed!" Gwen continued.

"No!"

"Why not?!" 

"Because I like women!" Merlin shouted but immediately regretted it. She slapped her hand over her mouth with her eyes blown wide.

"You what?" Gwen whispered. Merlin didn't say anything, she just kept staring at Gwen. "That- That- is not normal." Is all Gwen said.

"Gwen, please don't hate me," Merlin pleaded while tears ran down her cheeks. 

"I don't hate you Merlin, just why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I was scared you would think I was disgusting, that I was evil and a monster," Merlin shook with fear of losing her closest friend.

"I would never think that! I care deeply about you, but not in that way," Gwen said honestly.

"Thanks Gwen," She rubbed the tears off of her face. She was about to continue and tell her about her magic because she just needed to get it out. But she saw the look on her face, disgust like she was abnormal and would turn her 'evil' by just touching her or simply looking at her. Gwen was disgusted by her, she knew that look. Her closest friend was disgusted by her, Merlin could never tell her about her magic.

 

\------------------------------------

 

Rumours spread around the castle quickly, how Merlin didn't know. Arthur was furious at her, he hated her for not telling. He yelled at her for hours on end, the look of betray all over his face. But what she did not see was the look of heartbroken on his face. He was madly in love with her but she couldn't even have sexual feelings for him. The rest of the castle always looked away when she walked by them. Mothers would turn their children away, saying to not look at the 'homo' because if they did, they would turn into one. The nobles weren't even surprised, they had always suspected something was wrong with her. Why else would a woman wear men's clothing?

Merlin ran out into the forest at night, trying to escape the looks of disgust and judgment. She ran until her feet hurt and her lungs were burning. She stopped and leaned up against a tree. She watched her breath become visible in the cold autumn night. She heard a loud whimper fill the air.

"Is anyone there?" She asked breathlessly. The whimper came again but now was more loud pitched. She followed the heart-breaking sound until it led her to a huge, monstrous black beast in a cage. It looked like a huge cat with wings. She walked closer which made the beast shrink back in the cage and whimper even louder. The beast had beautiful eyes that looked like they held a lot of knowledge and kindness.

"It's okay, I won't hurt you," She said quietly. She held her hand close to the lock and used her magic to unlock it. The cage door swung open but the creature remained. Merlin turned her head to look around the area and saw nothing. When she turned back around, instead of a beast was a beautiful girl. Merlin gasped, she was stunning. Her brown eyes shone like stars, Merlin was captivated immediately. Her head snapped towards the forest when she heard branches snap and men laughing. 

"Come on," Merlin whispered and motioned her to follow which she did. Merlin led her away from the men and deep into the forest. She held back a laugh when she heard a man scream in anger. The girl flinched at the noise.

"It's all right no one will hurt you while I am with you," Merlin promised which made the girl calm down a bit. She found a cave which she decided would work for a while.

"We can stay here tonight," Merlin nodded. The girl went into the farthest corner. Merlin used her magic to make a fire. She gasped and turned to the girl, she had forgotten that the girl didn't know about her magic. The girl didn't seem afraid, she seemed interested instead. Merlin sat near her but not so close it would scare her.

"Was that magic?" The girl asked quietly.

"Yeah, does that scare you?" Merlin said just as quietly.

"No," She smiled.

"What is your name?" Merlin smiled back.

"Freya," She looked down which made her look so adorable.

"That is a beautiful name," She complimented.

"Thanks," Freya blushed heavily.

"My name is Merlin," She said softly.

"I like that name, it is very pretty," Freya blushed even more. 

"Thanks, my mother named me after the bird," Merlin smiled. There was a moment of silence while both of them watched the roaring fire in front of them.

"Are you not going to ask about the beast?" Freya sounded like she was about to cry.

"No, not unless you want to talk about it. I won't force you to talk about it if you don't want to," She smiled. Freya rubbed her eyes and murmured a quick thank you.

"Of course, what else are friends for?" Merlin smiled brightly.

"We are fr-friends?" Freya looked up with her eyes wet with tears. Merlin nodded and smiled even wider. Freya let out a light laugh and rubbed her eyes even more.

"I'm glad," Freya said.

"So am I." They watched the fire some more until Freya made a wounded noise. She looked over and saw a bunch of bleeding wounds that she didn't see from before.

"Here let me help," Merlin got up and walked over. Freya looked at her hopefully. Merlin placed her hand above a wound on her arm and said a spell to make the wound close up. She did this multiple times to multiple wounds until all of them were closed.

"Better?" Merlin asked.

"Yes, thank you," Freya smiled, gods, that smile is even brighter than the moon. She shivered from the cold and curled more up into a ball. Merlin put her coat around her gently.

"Do you need anything else?" Merlin asked.

"Could you make strawberries? If it is not too much of a hassle," Freya asked shyly.

"I could try," Merlin cupped her hands outside of Freya's and murmured a spell. Freya looked hopefully at their hands together. Merlin opened both of their hands to reveal a bright red little flower.

"That's not a strawberry," Freya giggled.

"Well it's the same color," Merlin chuckled. "Here the sun is rising so I can go get you food from the castle." She stood up and brushed off her trousers.

"The castle?" Freya looked a bit scared.

"Yeah I work there," She said bitterly, remembering their judgment on her.

"Do you hate it there?" Freya asked, sensing her bitterness.

"It's just that they are very judgemental," She ran her fingers through her hair.

"About your magic?" Freya asked quietly. Merlin laughed loudly.

"No, no, no. They would kill me if they knew of my magic," She laughed.

"Then what are they judging?"

"I- I- I-," She started to say but she looked at the girl before her. Would she be disgusted at her like the rest of them? No, no, she wouldn't. Freya thought her magic was interesting, not evil, she wouldn't like she was disgusting for liking other girls. "I like women." Freya raised her eyebrows slightly.

"Really?" She said amused.

"Yeah, sorry if it disgusts you," Merlin apologized.

"No, it really doesn't. It's just that... I like women too," Freya blushed. Merlin gasped, this beautiful woman like other women just like her.

"Wicked," Merlin smiled brightly. "I guess we have bonded really closely in just one night."

"I guess we have," Freya smiled back.

Merlin continued to smile and be captivated by Freya's smile until it hit her hard, "Oh right, the food, I will be right back!" She said excitedly and almost tripped on her way out which made Freya giggle. Merlin rushed back to the castle and ignored all of the looks she got, she grabbed a lot of food and some of Morgana's dresses that were hidden in the back of the closet. Morgana caught her taking some of her clothes which led to a very awkward conversion which might have led to Morgana thinking she wanted to fool around in Morgana's dresses with her. Merlin scoffed at Morgana's judgment and left very quickly. Over the course of several weeks, Freya and Merlin had gotten very close, like very close. Freya told Merlin about how she becomes a beast at night when Merlin isn't around. The weeks were filled with light touches and soft whispers. They were deeply in love and nothing could separate them. Merlin suggested that they run away together, screw her destiny, she loved this woman in front of her.

"You can't run away, this is your home," Freya pleaded.

"I'm not welcomed here, I want to be with you," Merlin took both of her hands in her own.

"Why?" Freya cried softly.

"Because I love you," Merlin whispered. She slowly leaned in for a kiss which Freya leaned in the other half. They shared a soft but yet passionate kiss that showed all of their emotions in just one singular gesture. They slowly separately while panting slightly.

"Woah," was all Freya said.

"Yeah," Merlin chuckled.

"I love you too," Freya giggled and threw herself on top of Merlin. Merlin moaned and let her lay on top of her as they let passion consume them until the sun rose the next morning. Merlin woke up first and looked at Freya in her arms.

"Morning love," Merlin purred and kissed her forehead softly.

"Morning Merls," Freya said tiredly.

"Tired?" Merlin chuckled. Freya yawned and rubbed her eyes. "I would think so after last night," She growled playfully and bit her neck softly. Freya giggled and swatted at her arm.

"Oh hush you," She giggled. Merlin chuckled and threw the blanket off of both of them. Freya squeaked and cuddled closer against Merlin's body. Merlin chuckled and hugged her closer.

"Hate to say it but I hate to leave soon," Merlin kissed her cheek and got up after they untangled. They both got dressed and shared a passionate kiss before Merlin left.

"Tonight we leave," Merlin pecked her on the lips.

"To that beautiful lake with all of the strawberries," Freya kissed her again lightly. Merlin soon left, waiting for night to fall so they could be together again and forever. The week before Merlin had told Gaius of her plan which made him sad that she was leaving but happy that she finally for someone.

"Goodbye Gaius, thank you for everything," She hugged him tightly. She better hurry, the night is already here and Freya must be getting worried.

"You are always welcome back, you became a daughter of mine," He hugged back just as tightly. Just as Merlin was about to turn and leave, a guard rushed in their chambers.

"What is it?" Gaius asked.

"The Knights are fighting a beast at the moment which means all of the castles citizens must remain inside," He informed and left as soon as he entered. Merlin's stomach dropped, she turned to Gaius who had an equally sick look on his face. She ran out the door and ran as fast as she could to the courtyard where howls and commands of men were heard. She had tears running down her face and her legs were burning. She stopped and felt her heartbreak. Her voice was stuck in her throat, unable to make any sound at all. Arthur stabbed his sword through the beast which was Freya. But right before he did, Freya and Merlin made eye contact. Merlin has never seen something or someone look so afraid. The beast didn't roar with anger or try to kill any of the Knights, the beast just let out a whimper and collapsed to the ground in fear. Merlin fell to her knees along with her. Tears were streaming down her face and her heart was definitely broken into a million pieces. The Knights all roared in a victory cheer and walked proudly away from the now defeated beast. After they left Merlin ran up to her which made her switch back. 

"Freya, I am so sorry, I am so sorry," She cried and held her in her arms. Freya groaned in pain and laid her head on her shoulder. Merlin made a promise, that they would be at that lake. She groaned as she picked up the lighter girl and carried her for miles. Tears were falling from both girls and both had nothing to say because how many times can you say sorry to make the other forgive you. When they got to the lake, it was pitch black out, they only light out was the stars in the sky.

"Maybe I can heal you," Merlin started to say as she laid Freya down lightly on the ground.

"The curse won't allow it," She groaned.

"There has to be something I can do!" Cried Merlin. Merlin hugged the dying girl tightly in her arms.

"You already have done everything, you made me feel loved. Thank you," Those were her last words before her head tilted backward and her eyes shut for the last time. Merlin stayed there until morning rose, humming a melody to her and cried every last drop out of her. Merlin had made a raft which Freya was going to be burned on. Merlin set Freya down gently onto the raft and piled it with her favorite flowers, sunflowers, and her favorite food, strawberries.

"I finally found out how to make them, they taste quite good. You would like them," Merlin smiled to herself, having no tears left in her to cry. Merlin pushed the raft out and set it on fire with her magic. She watched as her lover burned but the sweet scent of strawberries and flowers filled the air. It smelled just like Freya, her first love. She walked back slowly back to Camelot wondering what her life would be like now.

 

\----------------------------------

(A year later)

 

"Do you Arthur Pendragon, King of Camelot, take this woman as your wife and queen as long as you both shall live?" Geoffery of Monmouth asked.

"I do," He smiled.

"Do you Merlin Ambrious, future Queen of Camelot, take the man as your husband and King as long as you both shall live?"

"I do," She nodded.

"You may now kiss the bride," Geoffery smiled. As they kissed, the crowd roared with chants of 'Long Live the Queen!". 

 

\--------------------------

 

Merlin loved Arthur but not in the same way as Freya. She loved him like a friend who she wouldn't mind spending the rest of her life with but she has no sexual attraction to him. She would do anything for him, kill people, die for him, die with him. She knew she made the right decision in marrying him but she also knew she still loved Freya. On their wedding night, they had flowers next to the bed, sunflowers. On their one year anniversary, they had strawberries from the same lake which Merlin and Freya promised to live until they died. On the day where their first girl was born, Merlin named her Freya. She knew Arthur loved her and she loved him back but she always knows her heart will belong to Freya, her first love. 

 

How did two girls, tangled in forbidden love, in a time period that only allows one man and one woman survive? One has to die in vain while the other one has to live with the guilt forever and put on a show for the rest of the world in order to be accepted.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for any typos, kudos and comments are appreciated! <3
> 
>  
> 
> I hope ye enjoyed <3


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